yeah, well, theres this kid who i met. and it's a funny story cause i met him online. i know, i know, "YOU MET HIM ONLINE!! HE COULD BE A FORTY YEAR OLD RAPIST!!!" but the thing is he isn't. he found me through an application on facebook and i looked around on his site and saw that he had a clothing line. he was my age, and had a clothing line. sweetness. so i told my bro and he was very interested in working with this kid. my bro called and invited him to sell his stuff at the july third festival.i kinda chatted with him a bit before actually meeting him and he seemed like a really chill dude. at the festival i said hello and stuff and kinda avoided talking to him but i kept stealing glances at him. he was there with his cousin who was helping him out and i was very intimidated. but as the day went on i talked to him a bit more. later that night i was sitting with arielle and i was debating on whether or not i should get his number. i was soo scared. i wanted to do it, but i didn't wanna be rejected. but then i heard this chick, let me rephrase, this slut who goes to my school saw planning on giving him her number but idk if she was just gonna balls up and be like "hey, heres my number, txt me sometime". she didn't. she kind of took the pussy way out of it. she bought a shirt and slipped her number within the money. it was smooth, but not ballsy enough. so i was just like "all right, i'll do it" so i went up to him and was like "hey, do you wanna exchange numbers?" he said sure and took the old school route and wrote it down on a piece of paper. i wrote my number down and gave it to him. at the end of the night when he said his goodbyes he gave me a friendly hug goodbye, but then again i think he gave everyone a friendly hug. whatever. the next day i txted him "hey man, congratz on your sales last night and have a happy fourth [:" he didn't reply but then again it really wasn't a txt that needed a reply. later that day my bro called him about something just to make me feel stupid, what a jerk. well that whole weekend passed and i didn't hear from him. i was ohk with that. i felt that i wasn't good enough and it would take and act from god for him to acctually be interested in getting to know me like that. well when i got home i checked my myspace and saw that i had new friend requests. one was from arielle's sister and the other was from him. i added him and felt so excited. i was actually thinking that he was interested. but then i learned that he also added one of my friend's myspace so that totally burst my bubble. i commented him that night with a "hey man" but i have yet to get a reply. what ever. i think i need to start building a bride and get over it.

i really dont understand why this is bothering me. it's a guy. and i'm not even looking for a relationship. i dunno. he's def attractive. and he's a pretty cool guy by my standards. i wanna hang out with him more and get to know him but i don't know if i should even try getting to know him like THAT. my friend tells me that he's pretty immature. but i wanna make my own judgments about him. i'm too afraid to say "hey, let's chill" with it being just me and him. i'd much rather invite him somewhere with a group of people. but i dont know. i like him - totaly crushing. but that's why they call it a CRUSH. that's how you feel in the end. and i'm not even good enough. he's a very fit and attractive guy and i'm... well, chunky. i'm fine with being chunky, it's just i feel that, physically, i'm not good enough for him. OMG!!!! this is a dude! why am i totaly stressing!!!??? either way, in the end we're just gonna end up friends and i'm gonna have to build a bridge and get over it. and i'm totaly fine with that. i want to stop seeing him as a potential suitor and just see him as "one of the dudes" - the way he probably sees me.

so as you can tell from my subject title i am at school... waiting for finals. i dont have a first session so im just waiting for the second one. i have english and we have to write two essays. one of them being about moldy dick(moby dick) a novel that i read only three chapters of. i really dont care about finals. i know i'm gonna totaly bomb my algebra final and my engish essay so i'm totaly past caring. well i gatta go. dip set!!!

The students who sign this document believe that the itinerary should be altered and that The Rambler Band should have more time than one hour to prepare for the Awards Banquet on May 17th in Ohio.
We believe this because:
• On the itinerary, it is scheduled for us to leave Cedar Point at 5:30 and to arrive at the Double tree Hotel in Independence Ohio at 6. This is impossible and should be altered to realistic time due to the fact that it takes roughly around one hour to get to Independence from Cedar Point.
• Seven hours in an amusement park is MORE than enough time for relaxation and fun. Six hours will still give all those who go on the trip enough time to ride all of the roller coasters in the park and spend time just taking in the sights.
• The weather forecast for that day is predicted to be brisk, between the temperatures of 54 degrees and 59 degrees, and have light showers. Although forecasts are sometimes iffy when it comes to rain. The temperatures are generally correct.
• If given more time to prepare for the banquet, there is no need to rush and everyone can be relaxed and comfortable with the time span between getting back to the hotel from the park and prepare to get onto the bus in time for the banquet.
• Prior to the banquet, we are spending time, running around in an amusement park. It is a proper hygienic practice to shower after that time in the park to avoid embarrassing situations like having body odor. Most of the students on the trip are sharing a shower with four other roommates. When shower sharing and other preparatory rituals are accounted for, one hour most likely will not be enough time, especially for the female students.
• The students on this trip understand that we are attending a BANQUET. If given extra time to prepare, we can look our best and properly represent our director, ourselves, our school, and our state.

1. 18. 35.
2. 19. 36.
3. 20. 37.
4. 21. 38.
5. 22. 39.
6. 23. 40.
7. 24.
8. 25.
9. 26.
10. 27.
11. 28.
12. 29.
13. 30.
14. 31.
15. 32.
16. 33.
17. 34.

it's funny to see how much you mature over one year. like, man, i was sooo stupid back then. well, i'm still stupid now, but not as bad as last year or the year prior to that.hmm.. sooo.... back with mason and having second thoughts again. if im having second thoughts, does that mean something? eh. w/e ill see how i feel in the summer. well dipps

in the bandroom
waiting for my mom
bored
tired of the cold
so over this whole school thing
still bored
posting on my live journal
pissed that i had to go to school today
thirsty
hungry
not all that hungry
gonna go








bye

yeah. so it wasnt me. ugh. i was right. im a little mad i was right but whatever ya know. ill get over it. im almost over it alredy. but like i want a guy but ugh. idk. i dont but i do. why is this so difficult? no, it isnt this thats difficult, its me thats difficult. i totaly fucked up with mason so i can never go back. and like theres no one else except this pervy guy from edison ... o.0 not cool man. so im here. i know i dont need a guy to make myself happy, but i think one would help right now. ugh. you know what? just fuck guys. fuck em. i dont fucking need them untill i wanna get mnarried and breed to populate the earth. i really dont need them. friends are much easier to maintain than boy friends. so my day was interesting. we blocked another scene and ran all the scenes that we blocked so far. then when i got home i went to sleep. once i woke i went to a birthday party at bertuccis(sp?). yummi. then it was home and i painted my nails and they came out like crap [:. i was online talking to the guy and he said he saw his sos and talked to her. he said she seemed drunk. idk w/e. i think he has a chance. im not sure if they would exactly fit together, but w/e. both of them are my friends so i just hope that whatever happens theyre both happi in the end. for me. im just gonna have my fun. no guys. just friends. i have more fun with them anyways [:

he didnt tell her. what is he waiting for??? for me to shoot myself? i just wanna know the answer now so i know if im wasting my time or not. im sick of waiting. i hate wait. especially waiting for soemthing that might come at a time i least expect. or something that might not even come at all. why cant he just tell me. or at least just tell her so i can find out. ugh. today was mad weird though. i saw him to day... and i looked tore up -_-'(of course with my luck). but whatever. i couldnt talk to him during the first half of the day but i chatted w/ him a bit during and after lunch. when we got back in the auditorium i sat down in a random spot. he came in a little later and took a seat in the same row as me. he sat about 2 seats away from someone who was two seats away from me. after we got our instructions and people started working on stuff he came and sat right next to me. was that another one of his "body language" craps? i have no idea. friends can sit next to eachother and thats totaly normal. so we were just chatting and making jokes and chatting with other people. then i got called up to work on something. when i glanced at him or looked at him from the corner of my eye, at times i caught him looking my way. but then again stuff like that happens. he could have just been looking around and his eyes just happened to fall on me. i also saw him looking around the stage too. prolly looking at the chick he really likes. ugh. i wish he would just come out with it, whether its me or not so i dont keep waiting. arg ...

so... my weekend was... interesting. friday i saw hairspray w/ my momi. it was friggen SUH-WEET!!!!!then the next day at like 12ish, me, my bro, and my momi went to pick uo my dadi because the trooper broke down. we went to the bk lounge for lunch and i got nuggets and a bottle of water. during the car ride i wasnt feeling well so i just had the water and didnt eat the nuggets. for some reason i just wasnt hungry(which was a first). but it was weird because i didnt eat anything for breakfast so i shouldve been maad hungry by then. so we got home and i wanted to sleep but i couldnt so i just hopped online and stayed there for like ever. around 5ish i still wasnt hungry but i decided to eat something, so i grabbed some fish and rice. it tasted like crap so i didnt eat much if it. that night my fam went to go bowling w/ marx's fam. i didnt go. it was weird. the whole week i wanted to go bowling but i just wasnt in the mood on satrday. so i just stayed home, ate a chicken patty, chilled online, and watched tv. sunday started off with church. afterwards we dropped chris off at guitar center because he wasnt hungry, then makkoli(a sushi buffet me n my fam go to). it was very strange because i wasnt hungry again. i ate like less than 10 peices of sushi and thats it. i usualy tear up the whole buffet. then we went to pick my bro up. once we got in the car there was mad thunder and lightning outside. then the rain started comming down mad hard and there were really strong winds. we parked infont of guitar center to wait for my bro and the storm was shaking our car... maaad scary... well we eventually got home and of course i hopped online. my internet conversations this weekend were also very interesting. so, lately, ive been talking online to this guy from school. when i get a chance to see him i talk w/ him n chill, but most of our convos occur online. well, i developed a small crush for him. nothing huge, just a small one. hes a cool guy and all, and hes pretty darn attractive. well, this guy went out of town on thursday, but we still chatted online (he was on his fone). so we just talked about random nothingness. basic chatting like "where are you going off to" "how long will you be there" and ya know just stuff. then the subject of him liking someone came up. so duh, once that subject came up i had to know who he liked because im maaad nosy. but he didnt give me a name. he said "he wanted to tell her himself" so i told him that i wouldnt tell a soul, i promised. but he didnt tell me her name. but it was weird because he told me that if i read his body language and his clues correctly it would be very easy to figure out who the person is. apparently he was being very "blunt". so i thought about it. and the only person i could think of from his clues was me. so i knew i HAD to be wrong. so i kept on asking him questions to further back up the theory that i was wrong.during our convos he said like weird things that made me think it was me, but it couldve been and overactice immagination, i dont know. all i know is that im gonna see him today. and when i see him he'll walk up to the girl he really likes and tell her he likes her instead of me. i know ill get over it and whatever and ill be happi for him because i see him as my friend and i want him to be happi, but like. ill still feel stupid. i even told him that i though it was me.. ugh... STUPID STUPID STUPID! well at 3 oclock, ill be back. typing about how stupid i am...

so. he lied. i think. i dont know. ugh. this is sooo hard. why cant he just be straight forward with me? i just wanna know, so i dont keep waiting and hoping for nothing. like, how stupid would i feel when he gets home, he looks at the girl he really likes, goes up to her and tells her how much he likes her. gosh. ill feel stupider than i felt before. ugh. hes giving me these clues that makes me think its me. but, it just rediculous. why in gods name would someone like him like somone like me. well, he said she was pretty, so i think thast counts me out. i can see him with a very pretty and petite girl. him happy. and me stupid. like, ill eventually get over it, but that wont diminsh the feeling of stupidity that would overcome me when i find that it isnt me that he wants. oh, im sorry. did i say would? i meant will. the feeling of stupidity that will overcome me because its just, ridiculous. him wanting to be with me? BAH!! im my dreams. like. ive only been speaking to him for a while, but, i have to admit that i am attracted to him. and if it was me that he wanted id be willing to work it out. because, hes just like a really cool guy. but, id never get a chance to even try to work it out with him because it isnt me. it isnt. it just DOESNT MAKE SENSE! ive realized that no matter how many times i tell myself it isnt me, i still have hope that it is. why. what the hell is worng with me? im like living in a delusional world, hopping for a far far far off and ridiculous dream that will never come true. ugh. i dont know what this is. for some reaseon he just consumes the empty spaces in my mind. why? does that mean i really like him? or is this yet another infatuation gone awry?? it really doesnt make sense. he talks about clues and body language. ugh. im reading them but im prolly reading them wrong, probably totaly wrong because i came to the conclusion that he likes me. wow. thats stupid. ugh. its really gonna suck when he gets back. he'll walk into pathways and ill see him, but he wont see me. hell be looking for his special girl. and ill be watching him tell her how much he likes her. and regardless if that works out for him or not, ill still have to go through the day with a fake smile on my face. trying to think of the perfect word to descibe how i feel. stupid? insignificant? no..... torn

ugh.... why do guys have to be so confusing and difficult??? ugh!!!!!

so it isnt me. he doesnt like me. duh. obvious. why was i so stupid. why did i even think something would happen, im so stupid. stupid stupid stupid. well, i was acctuly looking forward to it and it was just casualy torn in front of my face. im so horrible at reading people. if only reading people were the same as reading books it would be so much easier and i wouldnt feel so stupid. i cant wait to find out who the lucky girl is. like, hes a sincerly great guy. very noble and knows where his morals are. if this chick isnt even flattered at the fact that he likes her imma be maad upset. ugh. im so stupid. its like calling someone by the wrong name, no, worse. its like, thinking someone likes you when they really dont. scctually, thats exactly what it is. shes proably pretty. and very smart. shes probably better than i am. ugh. i just feel soooooooo stupid. so confused. i feel like crying out of embarassment. thats what i get for hoping..... i get torn

so i thought i would be happy being single. and i am. i think. but like
i miss having someomne. someone to hold and someone to call mine. i dont know. its fun being single. being able to do what i want with out any repercautions. but. i cant do that any more. im tired of doing whatever, not thingking about it, and feeling weird that i did it. i dont know. im so confused. i need stability. i need someone to watch over me and tell me when to stop. i lack controll and i need someone to help me controll my self. part of me wanbts mason back. i think. i still love him. i think. but do i just love him or am i in love with him? do i want him or do i just want someone. this is so difficult for me. and. im not exactly sure. but i think i like someone. i dont know. i deff cant say i love him. im not gonna love anyone for a while. i know that. but, i think i do like him. and, i think he likes me. but im not sure. im not good at reading people when it comes to that. and who would like me anyways? im marites. marites freaking mallari. the chubby band geek, drama lozer who just likes to sing, dance and play music. and im not even all that pretty. there are MUCH better looking girls out there. ugh. but like. im mad torn. do i want mason. or am i just mentally magnifying my real feelings for him to have an excuse to be with someone. do i even wanna be with someone? i dont know. this is so confusing. i just, i just wanna, i dont even know.i think ill try something new. and if it happenes with the other guy ill just go with it. but like. ugh. i dont know. even though single is safe for me right now... im still torn

What are your favorite and least favorite words? Any reasons why?

cornacopia
sureptitious
definately
mad
sincerly

broke a nail... throat hurts... town sux... can you call me alredy!!!???? i wanna speak to you

was ohk
well
it was fine
i stayed at home
no school for me
due to a bloody nose
or two
and a head ache
i talked to john
yay john =)
he is such a great guy
i wanna call him
but i dont wanna be annoyihng
im gonna eat
peace

...sucks. the end. no. haha. well. im at home right now. i didnt feel well this morning so i didnt go to school. plus i have a test today and plus i hav maaad reports due.. well.. ugh... i feel like dookie... but like... ugh... doookie... i dont know what i'm saying. well i really havent been on here in a while. never really posted anything.. well i'll catch you up. me and mason are on a break. i have to see if a relationship is what i really want right now. and well theres another guy. and uhm... hes nice. lol.. really nice. and like. im not breaking up with mason for him. im breaking up with mason for me. it's just. this guy's presence made me realize that maybe mason isnt the best thing for me right now. and it's not like im gonna officially break it off with mason and then jump into a relationship. im deffinately gonna wait. coz after a two and a half year relationship you just dont jump into someone new all that quickly. im prolly gonna wait a month or so. like. so i can see what i have out there. but this guy. hes like. great. and like. it'd be great to be with this guy. oh em gee hes like amazing. but like. i just met him. so uhm. i think ill just take time to get to know him more. prolly go on a few group outtings and invite him. oh. hes just great. and like. i dont know. i deffinately wanna get to know him even better than i already do. hes. oh. so great... lol. im really not gonna shut up about him. if me n this guy dont end up going out or anything i deffinately want my next bf to be like him. this guy. hes so. oh be still my heart! lmao. hes all opinionative(sp?) but sensative at the same time. a great combo of masculinity and respect for women. ugh. i wanna marry him. lol. i dont care if i doesnt work out. at least i can say that i was once married to the greatest guy in the world. lmao. im just being a stilly little girl now. haha. well uhm.. i think ill go. ill prolly post another in like the next 2o years.. lol... peace

so... i brought home corbi's fundraisers from school... like who doesnt like corbi's.. ill tell you who... my parents... so i bring it home and im like.. dad buy some.. because i want some corbi's.. and hes all..

dad: you dont need this . ill pay for your trip

(although thats a nice gesture and all i know the extra help would be awesome)

me: but dad.. the extra help would be nice

dad: no one wants to buy this because it isnt cooked.. you knwo .. like your tita marcy.. she doesnt have time to cook

me: so then dont sell to the people who dont wanna buy it

dad: this is hurting peoplke's hearts when you sell it to them

(how mellow dramatic is that???)

me: you know what fine what ever



......... later on



me: ada can we atleast buy corbi's?.. because i want corbi's

dad: sure ading anythign for you

it bothers me when my dad spoils me well, sometimes it bothers me



so if you wanna buy corbi's pizza, pretzels, or cookie dough... talk to me

... i stayed home sick today
my throat was killing me and i didnt wanna deal with school... im home now... making pasta.... watching mtv... bored... im the kinda chick who likes school... so im bored.. yeah... i know... what a nerd... so i think ill go pick up a book (because that didnt sound nerdish) and prolly finish it all today... i wanna do something 2moro... anyone have plans??? hit me up
<3